Special Delivery
by C.M. Oliver is eastwoodgirl
Summary: This came to me in a dream... I don't know, I just had to do it.  Could follow my other fic M.B.F.W.'s AU but could be read separately Harry and Sev are having a baby. "Delivery Room" craziness ensues. And then some. Go on... You know you want to...


**Special Delivery**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own Severus Snape. I don't own the baby. It's theirs. I just meddle with their affairs.**

**WARNING: AU/OOC, MPREG, FLUFF, IMPLIED MATURE THEMES and anything else you could think of that applies. CRACK? Hmm… Maybe, a little. Don't take it too seriously though.**

**RATING: T for Language and Mature Situations**

**A/N: Short fic. Just something that came to me while meditating (ehem, sleeping, ehem) and searching for inspiration for my other fic, The Dark Conspiracy. I hope you enjoy. Reviews are always welcomed. Un-Beta-ed. All mistakes are the product of my crazy head.**

**010101010**

"Push it, Harry, come on! Push!" A visibly agitated Severus Snape stood by the foot of their master's bed, sweat dotting his forehead.

"Quit trying to tell me what to do, Sev!" An equally agitated Harry Potter lied down by the the edge of the same bed. And why wouldn't he be upset? He was a wizard, one of the most powerful in the world; and here he was down on his back because of crazy labor pains. Harry Potter had wanted children. But he had not expected that he could bear them himself when he married his love, Severus Snape as they were both males. Well, surprise, surprise, see what a little magic can do. He had gotten pregnant because of his magic even though he was male. And now was the day of the end of that crazy pregnancy.

His water broke five minutes ago.

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do!" Severus retorted back. "Why did I even agree with you to have a home birth, muggle style… I don't know! We're wizards here, damn it!"

"Yeah you just did, and don't curse!" Harry yelled back. His birth canal had just formed where it should have been just skin and muscle on normal days. It wasn't a pretty sensation.

"I didn't and I'm not cursing! If you don't push it, it won't come out!" Severus gripped the edge of their bed post tightly and straddled Harry's bent legs. "Let's just get you to Poppy –"

"Shut up, Sev! Ow… It's not happening. This is my baby and I'm gonna deliver it my way!" Harry yelled over his knees. "Owww… " he groaned. He could feel the baby slowly pushing through his artificial opening. Severus bit his lip.

"Stubborn fool…"

"I said, shut it! It's not gonna come out if you don't shut it!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I refuse –ow- to deliver this –ow- baby if you don't –oww- shut up!" Harry panted between contractions, his hands giving their bed covers a death grip.

"What?" Severus spat out. "Let me at least numb the pain –"

"No!"

"You're a sadist, you know."

"I'm not gonna put all those Lamaze classes to waste, Sev, now be quiet!"

"You know, you're being impossible, wife!"

"Who said that -oww- that I'm the wife?"

"Well, let's see," Severus smirked. "You're the one pregnant and you keep yakking like a girl."

Harry looked at him darkly.

"I- I hate you!" Harry then cried. "I'm gonna get you back for this Severus Snape – owww! I'm not gonna let you ever touch me ever again! You hear that? I- owww –fuck!" Harry grabbed a pillow and threw it hard at his husband's face. It landed, dead center.

"Ow –" Severus winced. "That's not what you said when we were making this baby –"

Harry threw another pillow at him. It hit Severus' nose straight on.

"Ow –" Severus rubbed his nose. "That one really hurt, Harry!" He then made a move to banish all the pillows on the bed. "There, you can't hit me with those blasted pillows anymore!"

Harry snarled. "That's what you think." He then began conjuring all sorts of objects: pillows, quaffles, books, boots, plates –wandlessly –and began to start throwing them at Severus. Poor Severus had to retreat for safety behind the open doorway to avoid the barrage of flying objects. When he reached the safe haven, he stopped and risked taking a peek; he was immediately assaulted by a flying stuffed bunny.

"Harry!" he called out to his husband from behind the doorway. "Quit throwing things at me!"

"Aaaaahhhh!"

"Harry?" Severus took another peek inside their room. When no flying object came his way, he bravely but slowly approached the bed where his husband lay. Harry's eyes were closed, he was gritting his teeth and his fists were clenched tightly.

"Harry?" Severus resumed his position by his husband's feet.

"Sev…" Harry gasped. Tears were spilling down the sides of his face. Severus looked at his husband with worry and concern. He had half a mind to just apparate them both into Poppy's care but he knew how stubborn the younger man could get; when he wanted something, there was no stopping him. And Harry had wanted this natural home birth. Severus had no choice but to grit his teeth and bear it. He reached out to grab the hand of the man in labor.

"Harry, tell me what's wrong,"

"Aaaaahhhh!"

"Harry?" Severus asked warily. Harry's grip on his hand was becoming tighter as his screams were becoming louder. If this continued on, Severus was afraid that he might lose use of his left hand. Severus recalled all that he could on those muggle Lamaze classes he and Harry had attended, with Harry under heavy disguise of course, of a blonde, curvy female named Jamie. Harry had burnt his toast for three weeks in a row deliberately, to get back at him for giving the pregnant man blond hair and really wide hips for his disguise.

"Relax, love" Severus coaxed him. "Breathe through your teeth…" He then brushed the hair off of Harry's forehead and rubbed soothing circles on his engorged belly. Severus then felt a contraction against his palm.

"Ha-Harry…"

"D-did you f-feel that S-Sev?" Harry moaned in between pants.

"Y-yes…"

"That's –oww –our –ow –baby, ours S-Sev…"

Severus just nodded. It was hard to really be involved as a father when your kid was just an oversized watermelon-like growth on your spouse's midsection; but knowing and actually feeling that little spark of life you've created out of deep love was something else. It was a fantastic out-of-this-world experience that he wouldn't want to trade for anything else.

Severus' thoughts were interrupted as he felt another, more violent, contraction.

"Aaaaahhhh! Seeeeev!" Harry screamed. Severus returned his focus to the task at hand. He briefly let go of Harry's hand as he took up once again his position by his husband's feet. He lifted the pregnant man's robes and gasped.

"L-love, I-I can see the head, the baby's –it's –it's coming!" He stammered. "Breathe, Harry, I need you to push!"

"Ughhhh!" Harry groaned. "Damn, it hurts a lot! I'm gonna get you back for this Severus Snape! Even if it's the last thing that I do!" He took a deep breath and heaved. "Ughhhh! Merlin!"

"That's fine love, there," Severus cooed soothingly. He knew Harry was just saying things because of the immense pain. He wished he could share that pain with him, but the best thing he could do right now was just distract his husband from it. "You're doing great, love. I can see the baby's hair –messy, black, just like yours –"

"God, no!" Harry said through gritted teeth. "Not that cursed hair! Oww – Ughhhh!"

"Keep pushing Harry, you're doing great!"

"Shut-the-fuck-up! Ughhhh!"

"There, it's almost out! Just one big push, love… one more and you can already see our little angel –"

"Aaaaahhhh!" Harry pushed out with all his might –and out came their little baby, right into the strong, waiting arms of Severus. The whole room was filled with soft cries.

"Wha-what is it, love?" Harry croaked with a weak voice. His eyes were almost shut from the exhaustion he was feeling. Severus smiled at him.

"It's a little girl."

"Harry sighed and tried to sit up.

"Let me see her, Sev."

Severus helped him lean his back against a stack of pillows he had summoned.

"Lay still, love. Your birth canal is just beginning to close up." Severus summoned a soft fleece blanket and threw it over Harry.

"Let me see my baby, please, Sev…"

Severus moved towards him carrying a small pink bundle.

"Here love, our little angel…"

What Harry saw was the most adorable little being he could ever imagine. Severus was right, the little girl definitely had the unruly Potter hair; she also had Harry's nose and long eyelashes. But apart from that, she was all Severus: her face, her full lips, her ivory skin. They would just have to wait for her to open her eyes to see if she had emerald ones or beetle black irises. Harry sighed contentedly as he brought his daughter close to his chest. He had a daughter. He was now a father. He and Severus were now daddies. They now had their own little family.

Severus watched his father and child with a blissful smile gracing his face. He remained silent for no words were enough to express the tremendous joy he had felt right at that moment. Harry noticed him watching from a short distance, he nodded and patted the spot on the bed right next to him. Severus was more than happy to join them. He sat next to Harry and enveloped him in a tight embrace.

"Happy?" Harry asked him.

"Ecstatic" Severus murmured. "You don't know how much you've made me happy, love… you and our angel."

"Well," Harry said. "We can't keep calling her that,"

"Name her?" Severus asked his husband. "You were the one who carried her and I believe you should get the honors."

"Hmm…" Harry thought for a moment, then "Gabrielle?" He looked at his husband for approval.

"Perfect," Severus smiled. "I love you, Harry."

"I love you too, Sev" Harry kissed him full on the lips. "Sorry about yelling and all."

"It's fine love," Severus smiled. "So, are you going to forget about getting back at me then?"

Harry gave him a mischievous look.

"Who says I haven't started already?"

Severus furrowed his eyebrows.

"Wha-What d-do you –m-mean?" he asked nervously. He may be the one in Slytherin, but then again, the Sorting Hat did once try to put his husband in the same house; Harry's mind was a constant puzzle, even to him.

"Oh, well, you know how much I love Gabrielle –"

"And?"

"Well, Sev, I want a huge family –"

"And?"

"I want to start early, I mean we aren't getting any younger –"

"And?"

"Well, I want one more right after Gabrielle –"

"And?"

"I can't carry the next one yet since my body is just recuperating –"

"So?"

Harry looked at him with an evil grin.

"I want one, exactly **nine **months after Gabrielle."

Severus looked at Harry with a murderous look.

"Oh… no –no, no! No!" Severus stood up abruptly, effectively knocking Harry off. "You're not making me carry the –the –that!" Harry smiled evilly.

"Again, who says I haven't done it yet?"

"What?" Severus spat out. "H-how –what –how-"

"Stop pretending to be a gold fish, Sev. I mean it looks really hideous."

"But –but –but –"

"Remember two weeks ago? The make-up sex?"

"But –but –but –"

"I may have conveniently forgotten the contraceptive charm –"

"But –but –but –"

"You were so nice for agreeing to be bottom, love –"

"But –but –but –"

"I cast the spell last night to check –"

"I –I'm –"

"With child, Sev, two weeks to the date."

"But –but –but –"

"No buts, Sev." Harry said, smiling innocently. "If you want nice little angels like Gabriele, you have to do your **fair** share."

"But –but –but –"

"Hush, love" Harry placed the sleeping Gabrielle on her crib and gently guided the now officially confirmed, pregnant, mortified Severus back to their matrimonial bed. He sat him down.

"Don't worry, Sev. We can just re-take those Lamaze classes we had if you've forgotten about it already. You can go as 'Severina' this time. I promise I won't make your hair too blond or your hips too big when I do your disguise –"

"NOOOOOO!"

**010101010**

**A/N: There we go! A little something for everybody. This is just exactly how it played in my dream. I know it's crazy, no need to tell me that. But I would still love to know what you think. I just had to write this down to get all of the cobwebs brushed away from my head. Now that this is out, I'm cured! :) Still, if you want to curse my crazy head or give it a piece of advice, you know where to reach me. Until next time! (in a SEQUEL, perhaps?) -Eastwoodgirl**


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